Life doesn’t always come easy, but it doesn't always have to end up being unpleasant or as brutal as you think. Personally, I think life is a perfect way of learning, a perfect, but yet so imperfect manuscript. Throughout my whole primary phase within school, I experienced a lot of bullying. Not to sound like a petty person, but it caused emotional trauma, and quite a bit of insecurities.
I won’t lie, life really took a lot of my energy, those whom I so dearly saw as friends turned out to be the ones who caused most of my emotional warfares. Throughout Grade seven till most of my Grade eight years, I visioned myself as an outcast. A person whom people just classify as a ‘floating friend’. I don’t blame anyone for this, I know I am a quiet person; thus, I only speak when spoken to.
I sometimes sought to blame myself for nearly everything, which I shouldn’t have. Why should I change for those around me? Yet, my mind and inner thoughts couldn’t be surprised by all of the lies I kept telling myself, over and over. My anxiety started to build up, not just that but socially I couldn’t be expressed. There were a few times that caught me questioning and pondering on my physical existence.
I tried my best to pray about the placement that life put me in, but my fear was greater than my faith. In the set condition that I was in, I felt as if God was holding me against punishment. That didn’t stop me from praying, I kept praying that maybe life will take an easy turn. During that process, it felt as if nobody was hearing me, nobody was listening.
To add to my already complicated and lonesome life. I lost a friend. Not just any friend, but a friend who tried to support and motivate me through the toughest patches in life. I could say we sort of grew together, but in a sense of growing emotionally. Because of this growth we had, it made it quite easy to distinguish one another’s feelings or emotions.
It all happened so fast, how a simple message could end a friendship in seconds. By expressing how I felt in a simple message, not because I wanted to, but because I was asked to. How I so dearly wish I hadn’t but, in a way, I am happy to have ended such a one-sided friendship. Since that big leap in my life, I have started to let go. From now onwards, I grow my relationship with God alone, realising that there is so much more to me than what I thought.